For the last few weeks I have just had this nagging sense of unhappiness. I couldn't place it, but I knew that my home was not clean enough to make me happy, the kids were not well behaved enough to make me happy, my hubby, even in his growing excellence as a husband, was not making me happy, our finances were certainly not making me happy. I felt I never had enough time to have fun at anything, never enough money to play with. Last night when my husband was asked me to quit budgeting and hang out with him (which was a very legit request), I just about blew up. Can't I have any time for ME? Thankfully, I didn't voice that but went along to read the Bible with Jay. After a while, he sensed that something was up. I told him I didn't know, but wise hubby of 3+ years now knows that he needs to make me talk about it and eventually I'll figure out what is bothering me.
It finally came out that I was just not happy, nothing was giving me pleasure. He prompted me to think
Biblically about it and left me for a half hour to pray and read my Bible (and have a good cry). I knew what the problem was almost immediately: I was seeking joy in everything but God and His Word. I had spent about 10 minutes total the past few weeks reading my Bible. Now, I can blame that partly on messed up schedules for the kids, but when I had found a moment to myself I had chosen other things to do. But they don't satisfy! One of my favorite old testament books, Ecclesiastes, starts out with, "Vanity of vanities! All is vanity (meaningless, or, in vain)" For a large chunk of the book, Solomon talks about how he pursued pleasure in everything and anything yet it was all in vain (vanity)! In chapter 2 he concludes, "So I hated life, for the work which had been done under the sun was grievous to me; because everything is futility and striving after wind (like housecleaning). Thus I hated
all the fruit of my labor for which I had labored under the sun, for I must leave it to the man who will come after me."
Now I'm not nearly as eloquent as Solomon, but I have also found that pursuing fulfillment or satisfaction in anything other than God leaves me very unhappy. So I spent a good long time reading and thinking through Ps 16:11. "You will make known to me the path of life; In your presence is fullness of joy and in Your right hand are pleasures forever." I can be happy in life! I'm not doomed to unhappiness since nothing here satisfies me. My Savior has ransomed me from death. I deserve a cup of wrath from God, and Christ has born it for me. That is reason enough to rejoice, but, on top of that all, God has blessed me richly with all things to enjoy!! David says in
Ps 62 "My soul finds rest in God alone." God was faithful to "renew a right spirit within me" and I am happy again, though no other circumstances have changed.
Ps 1 "How blessed
is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the L
ORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree firmly
planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers." Funny... that is exactly what I have been preaching to Micah for weeks! "If you obey and do what pleases God, you will be happy. But if you disobey and do what displeases God, you will not be happy."
"The law of the L
ORD is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the L
ORD is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the L
ORD are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the L
ORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the L
ORD is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the L
ORD are true; they are righteous altogether. They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb." -
Ps 19
